Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings.
- George Will
There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.
- Guy Almes
E-mail is like coming home at night after a long day and finding 70 people in your kitchen.
- John O' Donohue
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today can see their real owners.
- E. Joseph Cossman
When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
- Marcel Achard
It is a known fact that men are practical, hardheaded realists, in contrast to women, who are romantic dreamers and actually believe that estrogenic skin cream must do something or they couldn't charge sixteen dollars for that little tiny jar.
- Jane Goodsell
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
- Colin Greene
I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed. Except perhaps the time I found out that M&Ms really do melt in your hand...
- Peter Oakley
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
- Jimmy Shubert
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