Quiens & Loons

George W Bush is on an official visit to Scotland.

Part of his itinery is a visit to Newmachar Primary School, so at ten o clock the teacher tells the children from P1 to sit quietly as they have a very special guest.

"Now children, I 'd like to welcome the President of the United States of America, Mr George W Bush."

The children politely applaud and Dubya nods his head in an appreciative way and smiles.

"Hey guys, it's great to be here and meet you all. Do any of you kids have a question for me?"

A wee hand goes shooting up.

"Yeah, you son. What's your name?"

"Alec" came the reply.

"Well, Alec, what's your question, young man" probes Bush.

"Ah'v actually got 3 questions Mr President" says Alec.

"Ohhhhhhhkaaaaay", Dubya's looks a bit amused but continues" What's the 1st question then Alec?"

"See at the last election, the ither man that wis standin for president got mair votes than you, but you became the president. Fit waiy wiz that?"

Dubya, looks perplexed but continues smiling and says " What's your second question son?"

" Well, ye ken this Guantanimo place. Yiv a' these folk, wi nae charge, nae legal representation and nae visitin rights, fae all oor the world, fits aw that aboot?

"Right.........."

George looks nervously to his side as if for inspiration "and your third question?"

" Aye. Weel. If you invaded Iraq to get rid o' Saddam Hussein, as you claimed, fit waey ir ye still '"ere?. Is it nae mair tae dee wi the ile?"

Just then the bell for playtime sounds and all the children rush out of the class leaving George a bit shaken.

Fiteen minutes later, the bell sounds again and the children noisily make there way back to their seats and the teacher quietens them down once again and says. "Right children, we will continue where we left off by asking Mr Bush any more questions."

A little hand goes up.

"Yes, you son. What's your question?" Says Dubya.

"A'hv actually five questions Mr Bush" says a wee voice.

"Right, what's your first question?" says George impatiently.

"Weel , ma first three questions are the same as Alec's"

"Ok, what's your fourth question then."

"How did the bell fir playtime go off twinty meenits earlier than usual?"

"And your fifth?" George says through thin tense lips.





"Far's Alec?"