I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Everyone has a photographic memory, but some just don't have film.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
24 hours in a day.... 24 beers in a case...coincidence?
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
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