I was editing a document for a co-worker and said, "There should be a dash between the words 'first' and 'place.'" When I saw the corrected copy it read "first dash place."
I managed a pet store that specialized in sales of tropical fish. Tne afternoon shortly after Christmas a lady called with the astonishing report that her fish were drinking too much water. After a brief pause, I asked her how on earth she knew that. "Well," she replied, "I noticed that they were gulping all the time and when I woke up this morning I discovered that the aquarium water was half gone."
I had to put down the phone and laugh for a good minute or two before I could summon the composure to tell her that she needed to check the floor for the water that had leaked out overnight and bring the tank back in for a replacement.
True story: Years ago a local, family-owned grocery store in Elkton, Virginia, had plastered across the front of the store window a message in two-foot-high letters proclaiming, "YOU CAN'T BEAT OUR MEAT." It was only up there for a couple of days.
An ad in our local newspaper for a new fish shop announced in BIG letters, "Open 7 days a week, including Sunday!"
True sign in a store front window: "Ears pierced, while you wait"
I work for the government (i.e. the largest corporation). My new computer makes a loud hum and it's really distracting so I complained to the IT department. The next day, the box that the computer came in was in my cubicle and I thought they were going to take it back. But the IT guy showed up later that day and put the computer in the box, ran the cables out the back and stuffed it under my desk. Now I can't hear the hum but it overheats and crashes 2-3 times per day!
I work in a library. We are installing vending machines to charge a fee to patrons to print from the Internet. We had to charge forprinting after many years of it being free because the voters of our town repealed the food tax, resulting in lower revenue for city services. When I explained this to an irate patron, he threw up his hands and said, "Well, we can thank Bin Laden for that!" I expressed confusion at this reasoning, but he assured me that Bin Laden is responsible for the loss of all our personal freedoms. I wanted to ask him when free printing qualified as a personal freedom, but I managed to restrain myself.
A man called me to complain about a Florida vacation package we put together. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
It seems there was a study done in 1971 involving high school students in Europe. It compared intelligence with interest in various professions. The lowest correlation (-0.23) was between intelligence and interest in management. In other words, the dumber you are, the more you want to be a manager.
At an open reception for employees that was to honor them and show appreciation for their efforts, one of the top administrators stated, with a straight face, "Sometimes we forget how much the little people contribute to the institution." There was a collective gasp from the audience of "little people."
My partner works for a well-known guitar company in Sydney, Australia. When he recently asked his manager why his request for bereavement leave to attend his grandmother's funeral was denied, he was told, "People die. You just have to get used to it."
There is a bank in New York called "Flushing Savings Bank." 'Nuff said.
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